I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
