Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
