so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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