i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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