the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
