i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
