Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
