I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
