i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
