Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
