she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
