Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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