Pants 0. Shit 1.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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