I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
