im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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