Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
