somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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