...so i touched it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
