Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
