Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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