community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
