oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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