so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
