My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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