How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
