So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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