i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
