u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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