I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
