New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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