At least make sure they are 18
Why
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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