He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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