There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
