Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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