I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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