I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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