to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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