both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
