Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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