Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well I just put wine in my tea
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
