Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
