Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
