Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
