i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
