Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
