Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
