I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
