Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
