I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
