when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
this boner is exhausting
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
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