the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
