forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
