Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
