I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
