you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
