You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
