I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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