She said her name was "party"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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