i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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