Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
false alarm. still invincible.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I know her cup size but not her name....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
