He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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