She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
