Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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