I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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