Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
