hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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