i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
